Pre-Cologne Failure Post

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I am going to Cologne until Saturday. I will be traveling sans laptop for obvious reasons. I am so so so close to finally writing this post about all these photos I took of my new neighborhood, heck I even have all the photos uploaded and the words in my head, but my train leaves in an hour--we (and by we I mean my buddy Phil and I) takin the RED EYE EXPRESS--and I need to motor. I already wrote all of this business yesterday, so please ignore any lies/continuity errors and accept this small, text-heavy update. Oh, and get yourselves ready for all kinds of pictures and stories from beautiful Cologne! (Also, I am feeling better. I'm telling you this because I was sick when I wrote the stuff below. Look, just read it.)]

Hello to friends, hello to family, hello to enemies, stalkers, and any clever cats or small children who have stumbled upon this old blog—it is I, Max, your faithful chronicler of the adventures of that dashing and mysterious figure, Max. I have good news and bad news.

[In compensation for my late-/lameness, please accept this photo of me wearing a very small sombrero.]
The Bad News: I am mildly sick. This is doubly unfortunate as I have a rousing trip to west Germany planned for the long Himmelfahrt (Ascension—for whatever reason, here in largely non-religious Europe every one of these Catholic holidays, no matter how obscure, is a national holiday. I’m not complaining.) weekend, and I would hate to have the Neck Sweats the whole time I’m in Köln (Cologne to you English-speakers). The Neck Sweats is what I am calling my current variety of under-the-weather existence, as one of the primary symptoms seems to be a low fever that causes me to gradually sweat through the neck and shoulders of whatever T-shirt I happen to be wearing. Outside of this I am tired, hazy, and generally blah.

The Good News: I am on strict orders from my attending unlicensed physician (me) to take it easy. This means I am not allowed to run, swim, do calisthenics, sit or push up, punch myself in the chest, go on bike adventures, or really do much of anything besides nap and stare catatonically at a computer screen and drink tea and swap out my t-shirt for a dry one every few hours, all of which points to one obvious activity: blogging!

Plus, I still have a big passel of rainy day photos of my beautiful new neighborhood to show you, and lord knows I have to get these up before my next journey across the Bundesrepublik (federal republic of) Deutschland.

But FIRST, I suppose I ought to give you a general update on my all-around situation:
Academics: Got up groggy and moist at 7 and drank my coffee, because sick or not, duty called in the form of a 2-hour political thought exam at 8 in the morning. Marx- and Nazism having been properly analyzed and placed into historical context, I took an aimless little walk for no reason, then slept fitfully on a short couch at the IES center, then went to the Mensa for an unusually light lunch. It was a real shame—if I’d had the stomach, I probably could have piled on about 30% more saffron rice/curry chili (the Mensa was really delicious today) onto my carefully constructed food tower. Post-lunch plans involved a trip to the Anglo-Amerikanistic Biblothek (library) to throw around some hundred-pound, thousand-dollar legal dictionaries and try to make some headway on my latest translation assignment, a brief primer on INTERNATIONAL CORPORATE LAW, something I know nothing about. However, due to sudden and (eventually) prolonged cloudburst and my own delicate condition, I stopped at IES (it was on the way, and it doesn’t leak) and worked there instead. I actually ended up finishing the whole cruddy thing (best/worst term: Satzungszweck= intended purpose of articles of association), then emailing it to my professor—Michael Davies, Englishman—because I was so proud of myself. He replied 20 minutes later and informed me that this devilish corporate law thing isn’t due til next week, which made me feel slightly dumb but mostly relieved. Less to do when I’m on vacation, you know?

New home: Anne, my new hostess has struck a fine balance between caring about me and giving me space. We do not see much of each other, which is fine by ol’ reclusive me, and our limited interactions are pretty uniformly positive—she’s been gradually getting around to explaining the reasonable and relaxed house rules here at Rhinower Straße 12A, for example, and she offered me medicine when I told her I was sick. I bought her some tulips (photograph later, probably) and she gave me a fine little plant that I think I will name Arthur. Arthur is currently located on the shelf above and to the right of my desk, and as my window (i.e. life-giving portal of light) is to the left of my desk, Arty is slowly stretching across my workspace. This should be fun.

Tobias, Anne’s 18-year-old son, is clean and respectful and quiet around me in that 18-year-old dude way. I helped him empty the dishwasher the other day. That’s some solid male bonding right there.

Aaaand then, to turn the conversation to the thing that I have dozens of photos of, there is my cool new neighborhood! [See, this is where the pictures were supposed to go. Sooooorryy.--Ed.]

Appendix: Other Stuff:
1. Look, box elder bugs! Or the slightly oranger Berlin variety, at least. These little fellas really reminded me of spring back home, and in a good way. I’ve never had to deal with a box elder infestation, so to me they are the most innocuous living thing imaginable. They are like lead-free paint chips that have decided to walk around very slowly. I think they eat forgotten ideas and excrete pocket lint. These two are hard at work making more box elder bugs.

2. Q: What is better than one kind of flowers?
A: Three kinds of flowers!Clockwise from the bottom, I bought some lilies of the valley for my desk, some yellow roses for my friend Maxie’s birthday, and a bouquet of yellow tulips for Anne (my hostess, as you may recall). I had already chosen the two big yellow gifts and was hemming and hawing over what to buy for little ol’ me when the four foot five, extremely competent, apparently busy Vietnamese woman running the flower shop took control of the situation. She scooped up the lilies and straight up held them under my nose, and one whiff later she had herself a sale. I’ll bet she uses that trick a lot. Must have spotted me for the fragrance type. Both the gifts were well-received, and before they went sour a couple days back my flowers provided a week or so of much needed aromatherapy/deep breathing exercise.

3. Look at this awesome Winnebago!Awesome. I found this thing in the parking lot of my neighborhood government complex when I swung by to change my registration with the cops (they like to keep track of foreigners around these parts). I hope this dude (or lady, I suppose) is a German RV/America enthusiast whose greatest dream is to one day take his/her rig to the States and eat some bald eagle steaks with hamburger sauce.